AndYouWouldBeFreeFalling
By Vonia Martin
Remember when you were a kid and you went shopping with your Mom for school clothes or something? At some point you get separated from her, you can’t find her any where. Panic sets in as you start calling for her, “Mom” you cry but no answer. It occurs to you that you may never see her again. What if she doesn’t want to see you again? What if she left you on purpose? Tears start to threaten to spill over the rim of your eyes but you suck them back. You don't want any one to see you cry, not knowing if they would harm you or if they knew your Mom left you there. Remember the sheer panic and fear you felt not knowing where or when she was coming back or even if she was coming back? If you can remember that feeling then you have a small idea of what a foster child feels like everyday. That panic you felt at the possibility of never finding your Mom is how they feel all the time. The idea that their own mother would choose to leave them is not one that is easy to get the mind around. No one prepares you for the possibility.
Foster children have nothing to lose. People that have nothing to lose can be dangerous.
Let me rephrase that, foster kids have everyone of us to lose by giving in to those feelings of despair and hopelessness. All foster children ride on the reputation and deeds of those that came before them. There for we have every thing to lose because I'm sick of the stereo type society has set for us. We need to step up and take our rightful place in society and we can't do that if we're dead. We and we alone are equipped to reflect societies true nature. I, for one, am ready to stand up and say me3#. Society is finally in a position to stop putting us down but it has to be us that lifts us up. We must act like we matter, find things that set you apart. It won't be easy because no one will encourage or support you in discovering things about yourself. It will be even harder to remember what they are when you don't share them with some one. Share them with yourself and practice when you can, I always talk myself through things, it helps me retain them longer, out loud so I can hear it.
My life, at times, has been a living hell. Some of my own doing, but the one thing that I could always depend on to see me through, is my pride. Proud, not for being a foster child, proud that I made it through without too much of it sticking to me. When you're a foster kid, they try to break you if you're not broken already. It sounds weird, I know, but I wouldn't mention it if I hadn't experienced it myself through out my life. Society has a sub-conscience. It, like humans, do a lot of things it is not completely aware of. Mostly, it is to protect ones self or selves. Likely, as a whole, our sub-conscience deals in numbers prioritizing possible threats knowing what the likelihood that the threat will become realized. Wether we want to admit it or not we are a society of prejudices, judging those of us that are not like ourselves. Fearing the unknown we just kill it until our experiences tell us other wise. Since foster children kill themselves before the age of twenty one society assumes they are guilty of something criminal, why else does some one kill themselves? Normal people may need to be guilty of something, foster children just need to believe they are guilty of something. People with PTSD, and I believe most foster kids have it, are far more likely to commit suicide than anyone else. It gives you a false sense of responsibility. We were taken, if not forcibly, from our homes and families. Placed in a strangers house, after being told time and time again not to talk to strangers and yet we're supposed to feel good about living with some?
No one tells you anything, about your own life they tell you nothing. Not that you could hear anything over the constant screaming going on in your head. That screaming never stops but you will learn to live with it. That's another thing, stop trying to get over it, you can't. Every one will tell you to so you'll try and fail, this is only one more failure to add to your growing list. Don't set yourself up for failure; ever. You will fail, without having to set yourself up for it, these failures are what you learn from the ones you set yourself up for you can't learn from. No one can. It's designed that way on purpose so we don't go around setting ourselves up and/or each other in order to teach a lesson. Only God or karma can do that. It's hard, I know, believe me I know but it is not up to us to teach only to learn and we do that by observing one another then mimicking that behavior the best we can.
Off point, as usual. All I'm trying to say is that until we, foster kids, value ourselves and each other no one else is going to. Even when we do they still may not but who cares, it's their loss, not yours. Never detour from your goal to be the best person you possibly can no matter what. This life you are living is all you have so make it count. If you think about it we are stronger than most people with the ability to adapt to any situation. EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL CONFIDENT; ACT IT ANY WAY.
The more you do this the more confident you will become. Exercising, in some way, will aid you in this. Run, jog, walk just keep moving. The more you exercise your body the better you will think and the better you think the better you'll be at making good decisions. Do not use your situation as an excuse for poor behavior!! You are only as good as your behavior so behave as though everyone is always watching you. Let's face it, God watching isn't enough any more even if you believe.
Foster children have nothing to lose. People that have nothing to lose can be dangerous.
Let me rephrase that, foster kids have everyone of us to lose by giving in to those feelings of despair and hopelessness. All foster children ride on the reputation and deeds of those that came before them. There for we have every thing to lose because I'm sick of the stereo type society has set for us. We need to step up and take our rightful place in society and we can't do that if we're dead. We and we alone are equipped to reflect societies true nature. I, for one, am ready to stand up and say me3#. Society is finally in a position to stop putting us down but it has to be us that lifts us up. We must act like we matter, find things that set you apart. It won't be easy because no one will encourage or support you in discovering things about yourself. It will be even harder to remember what they are when you don't share them with some one. Share them with yourself and practice when you can, I always talk myself through things, it helps me retain them longer, out loud so I can hear it.
My life, at times, has been a living hell. Some of my own doing, but the one thing that I could always depend on to see me through, is my pride. Proud, not for being a foster child, proud that I made it through without too much of it sticking to me. When you're a foster kid, they try to break you if you're not broken already. It sounds weird, I know, but I wouldn't mention it if I hadn't experienced it myself through out my life. Society has a sub-conscience. It, like humans, do a lot of things it is not completely aware of. Mostly, it is to protect ones self or selves. Likely, as a whole, our sub-conscience deals in numbers prioritizing possible threats knowing what the likelihood that the threat will become realized. Wether we want to admit it or not we are a society of prejudices, judging those of us that are not like ourselves. Fearing the unknown we just kill it until our experiences tell us other wise. Since foster children kill themselves before the age of twenty one society assumes they are guilty of something criminal, why else does some one kill themselves? Normal people may need to be guilty of something, foster children just need to believe they are guilty of something. People with PTSD, and I believe most foster kids have it, are far more likely to commit suicide than anyone else. It gives you a false sense of responsibility. We were taken, if not forcibly, from our homes and families. Placed in a strangers house, after being told time and time again not to talk to strangers and yet we're supposed to feel good about living with some?
No one tells you anything, about your own life they tell you nothing. Not that you could hear anything over the constant screaming going on in your head. That screaming never stops but you will learn to live with it. That's another thing, stop trying to get over it, you can't. Every one will tell you to so you'll try and fail, this is only one more failure to add to your growing list. Don't set yourself up for failure; ever. You will fail, without having to set yourself up for it, these failures are what you learn from the ones you set yourself up for you can't learn from. No one can. It's designed that way on purpose so we don't go around setting ourselves up and/or each other in order to teach a lesson. Only God or karma can do that. It's hard, I know, believe me I know but it is not up to us to teach only to learn and we do that by observing one another then mimicking that behavior the best we can.
Off point, as usual. All I'm trying to say is that until we, foster kids, value ourselves and each other no one else is going to. Even when we do they still may not but who cares, it's their loss, not yours. Never detour from your goal to be the best person you possibly can no matter what. This life you are living is all you have so make it count. If you think about it we are stronger than most people with the ability to adapt to any situation. EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL CONFIDENT; ACT IT ANY WAY.
The more you do this the more confident you will become. Exercising, in some way, will aid you in this. Run, jog, walk just keep moving. The more you exercise your body the better you will think and the better you think the better you'll be at making good decisions. Do not use your situation as an excuse for poor behavior!! You are only as good as your behavior so behave as though everyone is always watching you. Let's face it, God watching isn't enough any more even if you believe.
No comments:
Post a Comment