Silent Spring has Sprung

Rachel Carson Was Right

By Vonia Martin

The spring of the year 2020 was the Silent Spring the author Rachel Carson warned us about in her book of the same title. There are still pocket of birds here and there but nothing like there use to be. I hope it was all worth it, people, the greatest generation that ever lived my ass!!!! We have to stop honoring people that have helped destroy this planet! I don't care in whose name they did it, it doesn't matter, it never did. All that does matter is that we find away to save the lives of our future generations. Without this planet they will never exist. 

What if all we have to do is treat this planet like it's the only one because IT IS! Even if there are other earths out there we have no idea how to reach them within a life span. Things in space are in no hurry everything moves so slow. 

Why aren't we asking the question " Why can't we get off this planet and into space?" What secrets are we blind to because if we were allowed to leave and spread our disease all would be lost? It's our inability to treat this planet like the God it is that keeps us here, stagnate. We all know what that means, sure death. The universe isn't just sitting out there waiting for us to color it alive, or is it? It sure doesn't look like it's in any hurry to do anything else and since we aren't it's starting to die just like this beautiful life giving sphere we call earth. For some reason we must have decided to take it for granted that as soon as we where done with this planet we'd just move to the next one. Never mind that we had absolutely no idea how to go about making that happen but believing it made it easier to continue to treat Mother Nature like shit. As long as the powers that be made all kinds of money at the enviroments expense. SHAME ON THEM!!!! If you are dead, lucky you for not having to stick around to be accountable for what you and your partners have done. Why are we still putting up new non sustanable buildings? Why are we still pouring concrete and producing nuclear power? What exactly are we doing different to save our only parent, Mother Earth? Why are we continuing such bad behavior? What more proof do we need? Why do we keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results? We know what we have to do but no one is doing it except those that are staying at home. The people that took this situation and rolled with the pandemic, adjusting your life to what ever life threw at you and your family. My admiration has multiplied to a number they have no word for yet, it is that high. Any and all parents that are staying home with their kids not only to ensure their physical safety but their mental safety as well. With all that is going on and the changes to every day life they have had to make being alone for any amount of time maybe too much. As always they need to stay busy and so do we, there is never a bad time to start a family work out, after consulting your doctor of course. 

There isn't any situation that we can't handle and many we already have. Ones that no one should have to deal with I believe we have done so as successfully as anyone could. Some may call me a loser because I have hardly any monetary wealth but that only makes me smart, in my eyes. Granted, I see things different then most and oddly usually correct. This isn't by accident and neither is anything else I have done in my life that includes my drug use. The alternative was much much worse, so here I am in all my flawed glory, 

My point is that it is okay not to be perfect or happy all the time. If you feel like bitching, bitch. If something is bothering you talk it out, I'll listen. It's okay to be average and/or normal, not everyone wants to be famous nor should you feel bad if you don't. Not everyone whose been through a traumatic experience wants to share it with the world nor should you feel bad for not doing that. Some people like to keep their story to themselves, working through it some other way. Just because someone has gone through something horrific doesn't make them a negative person if they need to share the experience to get past it. Not anyone who has had a traumatic past shares their story to bring people down, on the contrary. Not one story has been written starting with ...and they lived happily ever after. They end with that line because the struggle is over. So why are we continuing to tell people how to be and feel? Especially those that have never known a bad day or have ever had to struggle a moment in their over privileged lives. If you have aged out of the system expectations are lowered to the point of none existence so it's hard to disappoint anyone. Except me! Please, whatever you do take your health and your education into your own hands because if you want a future you will need these two things above all else. Money and material things can and will be stolen from you so get over having anything of real value. They can't take your knowledge they can take your health so take care of yourself and exercise after consulting a doctor or use your comman sense.

Please forgive me if I have offending you, it is not my intention, what is my intention is to reach as many foster kids as I possibly can that are aging out of the foster care system.

RepublicanNotRacist

 IVotedsoLeaveMeAlone

By V. Martin

Just because some of us voted for Trump doesn’t make us racists. As a matter of fact I am all for equality and understanding of different places and people. The more diverse our planet becomes the less likely we will be to fight each other over our differences. Besides we still have religion, we love to fight over how we get to God and/or heaven. Until we our ready to give up religion and/or the middle man we will continue to fight about it. What we need is to put aside all these things and work together to solve our energy crisis and global warming we are all going to die! Along with this entire planet because without us, thanks to nuclear power, the whole thing will eventually come apart. 

From the very beginning, man has always known he was going to kill off all the animals that is why he invented the Zoo. The end of the beginning is here.

But never should you fear

Jesus will save you so dry your tear

The silent spring is already here

It will be easy to remember the year

2020 but we do nothing to change

We act as though we have nothing to lose

So we continue to pick and choose

What we want to give up 

without going without

The path we’re on will end

There is no doubt

Mother Nature can’t continue to bend

Without breaking and now she broke

Why aren’t we laughing it’s just a joke

The joke is on us

Why didn’t I take the bus?

When I had the chance

Remember Bowie’s Let’s Dance? 

It takes me back to a bitter sweet time

What we are doing should be a crime

No amount of money can buy us a new earth

So take your drills and pumps and net worth

to the bank because no one else wants it

Or the blood and dirt that comes with that shit.

   

Charity or Assistance

Which Would you Rather Have?

By Vonia Martin

Have you ever heard the saying "It's all in the presentation" no words are truer when reaching out to assist someone less fortunate then ourselves. The givers want to control the takers with whatever they are giving. How is this any different then a drug dealer or pimp? It's all about power and control when it comes to money, that is ecxactly why some people want nothing to do with it. The power it has over people to turn them into crazy, greedy, criminals in order to get more scares me. The lengths people are willing to go to get money, what they are willing to sacrifice, compromise, solicit, or trade for money is beyond my comprehension because it is really filthy, ugly, stuff. 

To me if I can't take it with me when I go what value does it really have? What I am taking with me is everyone of you that has made a difference in my life, good or bad because both has taught me a lot. All the little moments that makes up my life, they all come with me because they are who I am so society can't be doing all that bad because here I am. I have nothing but my disposable ones and that alone makes me the richest person to ever live. Even those that believe in religion can't begrudge me the ones no one wants, I want you all! You are all mine so don't you dare continue to hurt yourselves or each other. Start taking better care of yourselves, eat better, exercise by walking or running, yoga is great too. Get that blood going keep moving if you can, I have a feeling you are the healthiest of us all. You are going to be the ones to save the rest of the world from this and worse to come. 

You are living a life no one else wants, hell you didn't want it but here you are. For whatever reason the homeless and Cultural Exchange Students are going to save the world so maybe we should start being nice to them now. Soon enough the only way to survive is by having a homeless person come live with you. They are going to become our most valuable resource. Fucking ironic huh?????? God I love nature! As sure as I am about anything I am fucking absolutely positive about this. My laughter can't be contained it is so perfect so like what evryone expects but far from what they ultimately wanted. Like they say, be careful what you wish for.

Not to fear, you will be in good hands. The meek don't believe in hell or heaven only what is here on earth. All we want is to know the truth. We demand to live the truth. Why do you think we are homeless? It's really hard to live lies when you have no walls to hide behind. My people are about to become the most important people on the planet so those that mean to protect them because they will need protection better get ready because they will destroy them. Please hear me but more then that listen and take action. 

TheParimidsWeren'tBuilt

TheyWereCarved

 By Vonia Martin

Someone may have already thought of this but forgive me for just now thinking it too. From this point forward I will be writing this as though I am the first. Thank you

What if we have been looking at the Paramids all wrong. What if they didn't build them but excovated them instead? Maybe there were several rock formations, three in a row and another flatter one for the Sphinx,  under a ton of sand and one day a wind storm blew the sand away and the rest was carved to make it look as though they built them. It makes sense to me. All they had to query are the marble slabs they incast them in. What an affective way to intimidate and scare your enemies then to have them believe your people are so powerful they could build such huge and impossible monuments.

Just an idea, a new look at an old mystery.

Another video of writing with both hands

At the same time

By Vonia Martin

I'm Positive

You're Negative

By Vonia Martin (aka Bitch)

As soon as positive things start happening to me I will have positive things to say. As it is my positive attitude is in spite of you. Try all you want to bring me down, I will always be above you because I don't cause the misery, you do. You want everyone to be as miserable, no more miserable than you. Happiness is a choice!!!! I choose it because I can! No matter what happens they can't take your experiences from you. It's in these experiences I find my greatest wealth; truth. My unique perspective on life and the living have allowed me the will to go on in spite of no other reason to do so. (well maybe I'm chicken shit) My boyfriend tells me that I think too much of myself, you know what I tell him, he doesn't think enough of me. After stealing a lot of my ideas and passing them off as his own at the school he taught at, I don't have much left for him. Especially when I told him about growing up in foster care nothing is ever really yours not even your own ideas. This is why I started giving every thing away because I was tired of getting ripped off. No one ever shares the glory or the wealth no matter how much wealth and glory it brings them. What am I to do? No one believes me over a teacher or any one else for that matter. I belong to a group of people that no one chooses to belong to and no one ever brags about being in this exclusive club. Most don't even know they are in it. The disposable people club. Kids that have aged out of the system after spending the majority of their childhood in foster care. It's during this time in history that my voice may be heard but no one wants to hear it from the likes of me. Poor white trailer trash high school drop out knocked up at fifteen collecting welfare by eighteen and petty criminal by twenty with three more kids none have a father to speak of. It's all true but children, I never had any, fearing they would end up in foster care if some thing happened to me, since I wasn't married. I tried to be a criminal once but I sucked at it so I gave up nor have I ever been on welfare. From the beginning I knew I didn't want to be a statistic though that is all it boils down to. Numbers. Some people like to believe that numbers don't lie. Maybe they don't but human beings do.  So no kids for me but now I feel as though I'm ready to have some. Not because I'm well off financially because I'm not but because I have something to give. My will to live! These kids kill themselves at an alarming rate and no one has been able to give them a reason not to. I can. Actually, I can give them several that has worked for me so far: 1) What else do I have to do? I mean the alternative is death, right? Death sounds really boring to me and I hate being bored so we avoid the big "D" as I call it. 

2) To prove everyone wrong. Sometimes a person wants to say "I told you so" and as long as you're alive you are telling everyone "I told you so" and I get to say it too because I'm telling you if you are dead there is no coming back from that. As long as you're alive there is a chance to be a better person, to change ones situation for the better, as long as you're alive you have the opportunity to help other people. It's in serving others we find the greatest reason for living. Never pass up an opportunity to be of service to others as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. Sometimes you may have to ask how you can do this and that's great because there is nothing more deflating then getting chewed out for doing something you thought was nice when in fact it wasn't. Also, gratitude is a burden so no good deed goes unpunished but if you give without expectation of any kind, donate anonymously so no strings attached giving becomes easy. Guess why? Because we are suppose to give. It is amazing how easy and fluid things become when doing the right thing when being of service to others. When you're a foster child you don't usually have much money but time is something you have an over  abundance of. If you're anything like me you have a hard time sleeping so doing things while everyone else sleeps works really well. If it's fall, raking leaves is always a way to help your neighborhood. Winter; shovel snow or clean off people’s car windows but watch out for alarms. Spring and summer have fun and exercise. Volunteer some where just don't tell anyone unless you might get in trouble. 

3) Believe me when I tell you that you deserve to be here as much as anyone else. You have as much to give as anyone else you just may have to work on your delivery. 

If you know some one who is in the foster care system or has aged out of it please be extra kind because they literally have no idea how to be a human being because all life has given them are poor examples of this. Just remember people are showing you how not to be as well as how to be, it is up to you to decide the difference. 

Video: writing with both hands at the same time

Both hands at once

By Vonia Martin

Empathy

Connections

by Vonia Martin

My goal, of late, has been enlighten people on the struggles of foster children, particularly the older ones that are going to age out of the system.  One way to do that is to bridge the gap between foster kids and "normal" people and empathy may be that bridge.

If there is one thing we can all relate to lately is this pandemic and the social distancing we are doing. For a foster kid this is normal, they spend their lives isolated and distanced from every one. If you want to know what it's like to be a foster kid put yourself in isolation, (foster kids are forced into isolation with little to no reason) take away all entertainment and communication abilities. Now live that way indefinitely with no family or friends. Now you have an idea of what it's like to be a foster child or adult (if you live long enough to become one).

These kids get little to no explanation as to why this is happening to them, only that they no longer get to live with their family. Since they are the ones removed it only makes sense that it's their fault that led to them being moved.

MathWithV-Vision

Where every line is a square

by Vonia Martin

This may make no sense to anyone or even more disturbing, it does make sense to some one. In my mind every line is a square because I bend both end at the same time toward the other until they meet, making a square. What if a straight line has two dimensions already? When we then bend said line we are squaring it? This is probably nothing but just in case thought I would throw it out there. A triangle then becomes the cube or the third power, which in my mind makes more sense since it has three sides. This may explain why I got a 'D' in Math 055 the first time and failed it the second time.

Not having had a lot of traditional education and aging out of the system in Arizona I have a unique perspective on the world and how I think it works. All is learned through my observation and memorization of what takes place in and around it. It has become one of my missions in life to report what ever finding I have as honestly and without prejudice as I can. When I realized this couldn't be done I decided to hate everything equally instead, this I can do. I call it my version of the EOH. lol

I think I'm funny, anyway. Not many foster kids become home owners and if they age out of the system not many of them will become anything. Incarcerated or dead are more likely.

People read my stuff and say I'm negative, well that's a negative statement so do two negatives make a right? Hell, yeah they do if you multiply them. Just a little humor. hahahaha

OutstandingStudentLoan

That I Never Even Borrowed

By Vonia Martin

Okay, I took out a guaranteed student loan way back in 1993, for summer classes at college. My grant had been cut in half so I automatically applied for student loans to pay the remaining amount. I attended a few classes that semester then dropped out before the dead line of no return. I never went and collected the loan money because I was no longer going to school. For some reason I am being charged for this loan I never received. Over the years I have disputed this several times but no one will listen. It is really, really hard for me to pay back money I never borrowed! I mean, it's been hard enough paying back the $2,250 I did borrow, especially when not one penny has ever been deducted from my balance. By the way, my balance is now $13,850!!!! This debt has crippled me most of my adult life! It keeps my credit from being good enough to start a business, get decent interest rates, get a good job or start a career, borrow money for a car or house. Being that I was put up for adoption at 6 years old and aged out of the system in Arizona I have had no family to teach me or help me in anyway. After dropping out of college I made six payments of $112 but then deferred the payments because I lost my job. Over the years all my tax returns have been diverted to pay back this loan which I have done plus interest, yet I still owe with no money being deducted how am I ever going to pay this back? So why would I continue to pay on this loan that never goes down because it looks like I have never made a payment. Now it looks like I just took this loan, of $13,850 for school with no payments being deducted, even though recently I made 4 payments of $198 and only one is posted for $150. Let me ask you this; would you continue to make payments on a loan you never received? Or make payments on a loan you did receive but never goes down no matter how many payments or tax returns they get?  I have been disputing this from the beginning never receiving anything from the loan department that even looks remotely like my signature. There is no way I took out guaranteed student loans when I wasn't even enrolled in college any more. I got a full grant the first year I attended college that paid for my tuition and books the following year, in 1993, they cut that in half because I wasn't a very good student. As a matter of fact I never graduated high school having only attended my freshman year before getting my GED. My adopted mother disowned me after only 3 years, so back in the system I went. What little education I did get was all crammed into the few short years my adopted mother had me. She took me to have my IQ tested when I was 11 and they told her I cheated because I knew the shapes weren't going to fit so I didn't bother trying. The reason I knew they weren't going to fit is because I saw another child, either through a window or an opened door, try to put the shapes in their holes but they wouldn't go so I figured they didn't fit. No one asked me how I knew, or maybe they did and I told them and they decided that was cheating. I'm not really sure but get the feeling that I rubbed the official giving the test the wrong way. I do that a lot, rub people the wrong way. I don't mean to, it just happens. Even at 11 I was able to piss some one who you would think is above stupid petty personality shit off enough to rob me of my IQ. It wasn't until my adopted mother found me after 35 years that I even remembered any of this. No one would have believed me anyway.
All I have now is my score from one of those free online IQ tests which is 137.
What confuses most people about me is my appearance, I look like a bad acid flash back. And despite the drug and alcohol abuse has no health issues. What smart person does drugs and alcohol? One that is busy acted stupid because it's easier than trying to convince people you're smart. Plus drugs and alcohol help dumb you down and numb you up so you fit the stupid role better. Not necessary since you are so dyslexic you couldn't find your way out of a wet paper bag.  And let's face it, the last person you want to know is smarter then you is the blonde with the big tits. At eleven I didn't have big tits yet but was already on my way.
My momster didn't give me up for adoption until I was 6 so my informative years were spent with her, learning from her. She was a manizer, going from one man to another only she married every one of them, I've never been married. She did teach me what not to be as well as what to be. Okay, so she was a little thin on the what to be part but I at least I knew the difference if I hadn't this would be a totally different story.
When you are poor white trailer trash with no formal education to speak of the smart people want nothing to do with you even if you are smart too. The only people that do except you are the stoners and losers. At least, compared to them, you are brilliant, no offense to my druggy friends. The last thing they expect you to do is seek out higher education at the age of 50. The last thing I will ever do is what they expect. Again, who 'they' are I have no idea. They are not me is all I know and if you're not me you are against me. I use to say that I'm an equal opportunity hater, I hate every one equally. Get it EOH? LOL I crack myself up sometimes.
My goal in life was to not become a statistic. That is after my adopted Momster disowned me. That meant no babies out of wed lock, no welfare, no incarceration, no prostitution, no institutions, and no suicide. Everything else is up for grabs. I almost failed a couple of times but I used those as an opportunity to reconfirm these beliefs.
All of this came about because my adopted mother had to find me for some reason. She said it was to fulfill a promise she made to my grandma but it hasn't escaped me that she waited until I was almost 50. My grandma died in 2005. Is it because statistically I should have been dead too? Always trying to put me in some small little tidy box.
In all my 51+ years not one person has ever bothered to really get to know me. Everyone assumes I am a cliché and then get's annoyed when I don't fit in their nice little box. No one wants to think, especially when it's me making them think. They would rather dismiss me as a fluke or a con artist. Both are wrong. The truth is that I am more normal than most normal people I know. It was my goal to not become a statistic but to be the exception, be the best person I could no matter how bad that is. My life can't really be called a success because I have not achieved financial freedom. That was never my goal because I really hate money and what it does to people. There is a reason the rich stay rich, because they can handle it! Their parents taught them by example and they have a certain energy about them that rest of us understand. Money is a responsibility that not all of us are capable of handling and in irresponsible hands it can have devastating consequences.
If I have money everyone in foster care has money because it will belong to them along with everything else I have. Some day I would like to take care of a ranch that is theirs. A place they can always come if they are in trouble or lost. A ranch that is self sustaining so no government or outside donations are needed to operate the ranch. The taxes are paid by the Federal government because it helps keep some of them out of the system where they would cost the tax payers a lot of money.
A ranch with a lot of animals that are brought there as a last resort due to poor behavior or other issues. A learning ranch for young adults that age out of the system and find they have no where to go. A safe place they can come to get assistance from other people that aged out.
To be continued...
Okay, I’m back. Finally, I realize what it is about paying back a loan I never received, besides never having received it. It’s because if I had stole this money and got away with it I no longer have to worry about getting in trouble for it because the statute of limitations would have run out way before now. Yet I never stole or borrowed most of what they say I owe. The $2,250 I did borrow I have more then paid back. I am not a bad person, I pay back my debts but this is not one of them! For over 35 years this has hung over my head, preventing me from having good credit. Please, please, please I am begging to be let out of this debt. It has ruined my life long enough.
There is something wrong with a country that allows its criminals out of being prosecuted for their crime after enough time has passed but a person trying to better themselves with a higher education is not only held responsible for a loan they took but an even greater one they never got. It’s not like I am making a bunch of money from the info in the classes I never took. I have lived way below poverty level all my life. 

Being a foster kid isn't like being a kid at all, it's like being invisible, disposable, sub-human. It's really really hard to be a good person when every one expects the worse from you. They don't even bother to ask you the truth, they punish you instead, for something you didn't do. It's easier to blame the foster child because the alternative is that their child is doing what they aren't suppose to. Not only that they are blaming some one else for it.

It's not like I'm getting a lawyer to sue the pants off the Federal Student Loan mother fuckers that have ruined my adult life with its false accusations and false loan.  I have no idea if some one else took this money or what, all I know is that it wasn't me. The loan for $2,250 that I did borrow I have paid off but it looks like I just took out this loan and am not paying it back, please fix this. My credit should have this paid plus interest. The rest needs to be taken off my credit report, please. Thank you in advance,

Believe it or not they finally took the student loans off my credit!!!! YIPPEE!!!! Even though my credit score went down, like I knew it would. It’s funny in a way, my whole adult life My credit has been jammed up with these student loans that I never received so I never established good credit because of them. Now my creditors tell me that I do not have enough experience being in debt to have good credit. WTF? Does this make sense to anyone? Because of the student loans I never got but were on my credit anyway, no one would lend me anything now that they are off I am paying 25% interest on credit cards so I can establish paying something. Thank you very fucking much!!!! The reason why foster kids have a hard time is that the government that is supposed to be taking care of us, cripples us instead. Thank you very fucking much!

It’s so fucked up being an adult without family. No one wats to take a chance on you and who can blame them, the odds are not on your side, no one is on your side. My own boyfriend is not on my side but is only keeping an eye on me for the rest of society. Can you imagine? Peace, is easy to imagine but this shit most people cannot, nor should they have to but I live it everyday. All society does for you is try to get you to kill yourself before you become too much of a burden. 

You cannot trust anyone, they all lie. You cannot ever rest because they will make you regret it. No one is your family even when they say they are because their real family will always come before you. They will try to convince you other wise but believing that would be a mistake. 

 

23&Me

CaseInPoint

by Vonia Martin

Not too long ago I posted about how foster kids are discriminated against by society in general. Now I have an example of that to share with you.

A few years ago I sent in my saliva for DNA analysis, having been put up for adoption when I was six, I thought it would connect me with the family I vaguely remembered. After receiving my results I couldn't help but notice the controversy this Neanderthal variants count was causing. People with hardly any variance say they are smarter due to this then the ones with higher variances claim thy are better because of this. I read blogs and post that were bourder line threatening. It was even being argued and compared to the color barriers in this country. It was so bad I wrote 23 and me and told them of my concerns to try to motivate them to change their competitive platform. They ignored me. So I decided to use this as an opportunity to create an example of the prejudice against foster kids in the US and how this prejudice will persist until we finally recognize and change it. I mean really, don't these kids have it hard enough?
Back to 23 and me. Nothing was done on their end even after I pointed out to them that this Neanderthal competition was creating a lot of turmoil and conflict amongst its members. I pointed out that it's not fair to create a competition around something that no one can change. I mean its not like this number will ever change or became what it is due to outstanding performance or talent. They did nothing. It wasn't until I wrote a blog stating that I was smarter because my variance was lower than most that they made any changes. They made sure that I didn't fall on either end but right smack in the middle. It's just amazing to me how obvious it is yet they will deny, if they acknowledge it at all, that they didn't change any thing until I claimed to be better. 

wash, rinse, repeat, dry

taking a page from most shampoos

by Vonia Martin

It occurred to me, while washing my hands, that I spend a lot of time waiting for the water to come out hot. With the Coronavirus I have started to wash my hands twice, once while waiting for hot water and again when it is hot and then dry with either air or paper towel, unless at home than a towel will do. I figured this way, at 20 seconds per wash, I have all viruses beat. Also, shouldn't we wash our hands before we go to the bathroom and after? It would make more sense if we did both especially men that thinks their penis is cleaner then their hands, or as clean when their hands are as dirty as every thing they touched before going to the bathroom. So really you only keep as clean of a penis as their hands are at any given time they use a urinal.

You’re Getting Old When...

You know you’re getting old when you fear any expression of emotion because it might trigger a bodily function.

PitBulls

FriendOrFoe

                                                                   By Vonia Martin

Just before Christmas 2019 I found a post on NextDoor to rehome a family pet, Zeus. Zeus turns out to be a Red Nosed American Pit Bull Dog. At first, I was going over to the dogs home and taking him for walks to try to wear off some of his energy. I was hoping to go over twice a day to walk him so that they might keep him if he behaved better but they wanted him rehomed. My boyfriend, whom I live with, was not on board with getting another dog but I had already fallen in love with Zeus. So for another week or so I dragged my feet at taking possession of Zeus, I was also waiting for my check to pay the $200 they were asking for. Luckily, Zeus's owners decided that Christmas Day was a good day for me to come take Zeus home. This worked in my favor because my boyfriend's family was over for the holiday and they love dogs. It's not usually my practice to go against my boyfriend but in this case I did. I needed another dog to go on long walks with me, so I can stay in some what of good shape. My Jack Russell, So.b, doesn't want to go for very long walks any more. So.b will be 10 years old in July and is over weight by about 10 pounds. He is so fat that he now has a fat pocket. Yeah a pocket of fat on his chest, I thought it was a man boob, at first. LOL not really. 

Back to my pit bull Zeus. The couple I got him from gave him to me on Christmas Day without charging me the $200 they originally wanted. Which of course I spent on him, getting a bed, harness, shots, toys, and treats. Zeus, being a pit bull, is freakishly strong. I mean, walking him is a constant chore. If I'm not constantly ready, he will take me down. He has already bit me, twice, not breaking the skin but leaving a deep bruise. He could have easily broke my arm or pull it from the socket, he is that strong. This is not a breed I would want around children, or anyone for that matter. This breed is a huge responsibility to own and should not be taken lightly. Zeus is a big puppy and wants nothing more than to play but play to him is gnawing and chewing on whatever he can get him mouth around. Which is a lot! His mouth is huge! I am not training this dog to be aggressive and for the most part he is not, until he is. Just his head alone is a lethal weapon that can knock your ass out if collided with. So when I do play with him it has to be under very controlled environment. My biggest fear, of course, is that he would bite a child. For this reason I feel the need to carry a fire arm in case I have to shoot him for biting some one. It may sound mean but with pit bulls when they bite their jaw can lock on and there is no way to get them to let go unless you have complete control or kill them.  

With all the controversy and debating over this subject, I have to weigh in on the side of caution. No dog breed is worth a child's life or the life of any person. Dog fighting is a barbaric and horrific practice and breeding a dog for this sole purpose is not only criminal but should be considered a crime against nature. We have plenty of wild animals that fight to the death every single day in nature because it is natural but to breed a domestic animal for the sole purpose of entertaining us is unconscionable. These dogs can't help what we have bred them into becoming, it's now in their nature to be aggressive. Zeus doesn't realize his own strength because he doesn't feel the same as we do. His nerves are not on the surface but rather buried under a lot of muscle. There are documented cases of pit bulls being shot, which a large caliber hand gun at point blank range in the head and lives. I mean a .45 caliber bullet shot through a bit's head and lodges in his jaw and leads to him drooling all over but that's it. That is one tough dog and scary! 

Zeus has no idea how terrifying he is to some people. He acts and believes he is still a puppy but in a big dog's body. He is very clumsy tripping over his own paws at times. If I run, he runs after me, catches me by the arm with his mouth and starts to take me down. I know, instinctually, not to go down because it would be over then. It took a minute for me to find the right words to make him let go but I finally did. My arm is so bruised and sore with several puncture wounds. He did not break the skin but could have easily taken off my whole arm.  This is not a dog nor dog breed I would want around children, just in case. When it comes to kids I think we should eliminate any and all possible threats to them as possible. There are just too many threats to children already why add more? Are these dogs that important? NO! Is the fact that this breed has been known to maw people to death not enough to keep people with small children from getting one? No! People are so stubborn and stupid it's a wonder our species still exist. It wasn't easy for the people that gave me Zeus to do so because he was their family pet but since they had children they realized the risk Zeus posed to their kids and got rid of him. My boyfriend finally got on board since I brought Zeus home on Christmas Day. Thank goodness! Zeus is now part of my family and I will go to mat for him against anyone. I was even willing to leave my boyfriend if he wouldn't let me have Zeus. 

My Jack Russell doesn't like him at all and bites him and growls constantly at him and Zeus ignores him, letting So.b jump all over him. They play tug of war together with So.b fearless of the fact that Zeus could eat him in one bite, well maybe two since he is so fat. LOL

This is my opinion that I formed recently, since adopting a pit bull, I have never had children so my opinion comes not from direct experience but rather from what I remember of being a child. 

The reason why most people did't think I would live this long is because they thought I was too stupid. I use to think it's because when asked where I see myself in the year 2000, I said dead. It was my go to answer for any future predictions. Statistically, this should have been correct but for whatever reason I am an exception. In my opinion, life likes me only because I don't like it back. Just like a man or woman to want what they can't have but as soon as they do they don't wan it any more. Unless some one else shows interest, then you want it again. Below are a few pictures of the bruise my pit bull left from just putting his mouth around my arm. If he had wanted to he could have easily broke if not tore my arm from my body. He is so strong! You have to scroll down a little to see pictures. If you are thinking about getting a pit bull do not take this responsibility lightly, they are a dangerous breed without training them to be.

A Step In My Shoes

AndYouWouldBeFreeFalling

By Vonia Martin

Remember when you were a kid and you went shopping with your Mom for school clothes or something? At some point you get separated from her, you can’t find her any where. Panic sets in as you start calling for her, “Mom” you cry but no answer. It occurs to you that you may never see her again. What if she doesn’t want to see you again? What if she left you on purpose? Tears start to threaten to spill over the rim of your eyes but you suck them back. You don't want any one to see you cry, not knowing if they would harm you or if they knew your Mom left you there. Remember the sheer panic and fear you felt not knowing where or when she was coming back or even if she was coming back? If you can remember that feeling then you have a small idea of what a foster child feels like everyday. That panic you felt at the possibility of never finding your Mom is how they feel all the time. The idea that their own mother would choose to leave them is not one that is easy to get the mind around. No one prepares you for the possibility.
Foster children have nothing to lose. People that have nothing to lose can be dangerous.
Let me rephrase that, foster kids have everyone of us to lose by giving in to those feelings of despair and hopelessness. All foster children ride on the reputation and deeds of those that came before them.  There for we have every thing to lose because I'm sick of the stereo type society has set for us. We need to step up and take our rightful place in society and we can't do that if we're dead. We and we alone are equipped to reflect societies true nature. I, for one, am ready to stand up and say me3#. Society is finally in a position to stop putting us down but it has to be us that lifts us up. We must act like we matter, find things that set you apart. It won't be easy because no one will encourage or support you in discovering things about yourself. It will be even harder to remember what they are when you don't share them with some one. Share them with yourself and practice when you can, I always talk myself through things, it helps me retain them longer, out loud so I can hear it.
My life, at times, has been a living hell. Some of my own doing, but the one thing that I could always depend on to see me through, is my pride. Proud, not for being a foster child, proud that I made it through without too much of it sticking to me. When you're a foster kid, they try to break you if you're not broken already. It sounds weird, I know, but I wouldn't mention it if I hadn't experienced it myself through out my life. Society has a sub-conscience. It, like humans, do a lot of things it is not completely aware of. Mostly, it is to protect ones self or selves. Likely, as a whole, our sub-conscience deals in numbers prioritizing possible threats knowing what the likelihood that the threat will become realized. Wether we want to admit it or not we are a society of prejudices, judging those of us that are not like ourselves. Fearing the unknown we just kill it until our experiences tell us other wise. Since foster children kill themselves before the age of twenty one society assumes they are guilty of something criminal, why else does some one kill themselves? Normal people may need to be guilty of something, foster children just need to believe they are guilty of something. People with PTSD, and I believe most foster kids have it, are far more likely to commit suicide than anyone else. It gives you a false sense of responsibility. We were taken, if not forcibly, from our homes and families. Placed in a strangers house, after being told time and time again not to talk to strangers and yet we're supposed to feel good about living with some?
No one tells you anything, about your own life they tell you nothing. Not that you could hear anything over the constant screaming going on in your head. That screaming never stops but you will learn to live with it. That's another thing, stop trying to get over it, you can't. Every one will tell you to so you'll try and fail, this is only one more failure to add to your growing list. Don't set yourself up for failure; ever. You will fail, without having to set yourself up for it, these failures are what you learn from the ones you set yourself up for you can't learn from. No one can. It's designed that way on purpose so we don't go around setting ourselves up and/or each other in order to teach a lesson. Only God or karma can do that. It's hard, I know, believe me I know but it is not up to us to teach only to learn and we do that by observing one another then mimicking that behavior the best we can.
Off point, as usual. All I'm trying to say is that until we, foster kids, value ourselves and each other no one else is going to. Even when we do they still may not but who cares, it's their loss, not yours. Never detour from your goal to be the best person you possibly can no matter what. This life you are living is all you have so make it count. If you think about it we are stronger than most people with the ability to adapt to any situation. EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL CONFIDENT; ACT IT ANY WAY.
The more you do this the more confident you will become. Exercising, in some way, will aid you in this. Run, jog, walk just keep moving. The more you exercise your body the better you will think and the better you think the better you'll be at making good decisions. Do not use your situation as an excuse for poor behavior!! You are only as good as your behavior so behave as though everyone is always watching you. Let's face it, God watching isn't enough any more even if you believe.